Draco's Flighty Situation
by In Dreams
Summary: Draco's just purchased a posh penthouse flat and he's thrilled. But a squadron of owls has taken up residence on the balcony and he will need to enlist Hermione's help to reclaim his property.


**Author's Note:** This is dedicated to pigeons, and also, my dear friend Hystaracal, who gave the prompt. (No owls were harmed in the writing of this story.)

Alpha love to Kyonomiko. Mistakes are my own.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of the Harry Potter franchise.

* * *

It was an excellent day in the life of Draco Malfoy.

He had just been given access to his new flat – a gorgeous penthouse space on the top floor of one of the super modern new buildings in wizarding London, just two blocks from Diagon Alley. It featured an open concept, spacious kitchen and living area, top of the line furnishings and features, and a three-hundred-sixty degree wrap-around patio.

The flat was perfect, according to his realtor, and the photos were exactly what he was looking for. But Draco had been out of town on business when the property was listed and he had needed to act fast, so he had yet to see the space with his own eyes.

It would be the long overdue restart Draco had been longing for since the war – finally he would make his way into the world on his own, after four years of difficult confrontations, with others and with himself.

A smile lingered on his lips as Draco exited the lift at the top floor, feeling the wards shimmer and accept him as he released the locks on the front door.

The grin widened as he stepped into the flat; it was everything he had hoped for. Smooth marble stretched across the living space; modern features filled the space, clean and bright. The kitchen was immaculate, the bedrooms spacious, and the master bath was the content of dreams.

It was the perfect flat for him to start a new life on his own.

Wide glass panels covered one side of the sitting room, calling Draco to the extravagant balcony, perched high above London, and he made his way to the patio doors.

Draco halted dead on the spot, mid-step. His eyes widened in mounting horror as they skated side to side and he clutched a hand to his chest.

"Dear Merlin," he choked, feeling as if he had stepped into an avian nightmare.

 _Owls_.

Owls upon owls; hundreds of owls. They stood on the patio and perched on the rails; they hooted into the sky and slept with heads tucked beneath their wings. The floor was coated with feathers and pellets and – Draco swallowed back the urge to vomit. Defecated remains covered every surface of his new deck. The cacophony of their combined voices was so loud Draco couldn't think.

He watched as one moulted its feathers, locking eyes with him.

It was as if every owl in the entirety of the wizarding world had taken up on his balcony. It had to be a cruel joke.

He backed away from the glass door, his heart racing in his chest.

 _This_ wasn't part of his purchase agreement. He scowled at the thought of how much he had paid for this flat – and he _hadn't_ been aware he'd been purchasing an owl sanctuary!

Exclaiming a foul string of curses that would make his mother cringe, Draco fumbled in the bottom of his satchel for the blocky Muggle device that was usually in the way, and stared at the buttons. He couldn't understand how it worked for the life of him, but Granger _insisted_ he keep it on him in the event of an emergency.

This definitely qualified.

Eyes squinted, Draco stared at the rectangular device, mashing buttons until he found the right screen, then he pressed the green button, as she had taught him to do.

He folded his free arm, tapping an anxious foot on the marble as he waited for the line to connect.

Granger's voice came through, muffled by crackling static. "Hello? Malfoy?"

"Granger," Draco bit out. "I need your help. It's an emergency."

"I'm at work," came her voice across the line.

Draco rolled his eyes. "I know you are. I saw you there an hour ago." He gave a drawn out sigh and repeated, " _Emergency_."

There was a pause and Draco stared at the device, wondering if she had disconnected from him. But then she said, "Fine. I'll Apparate to you; release your wards."

He did as she asked and commenced pacing the smooth floor of his beautiful flat; he kept his eyes averted from the patio and took several deep breaths as he forced his heart rate to slow.

A few minutes later there was a tap on the door and he threw the door open, running an agitated hand through his hair. The tight smile fell from Granger's lips at the expression he must have been wearing.

"Hello," she said, her voice cautious as she stepped inside, taking a quick look around. "Well isn't this nice."

Draco blinked at her. "I have a problem." He flailed an arm behind him, in the direction of the glass doors. Hesitant, Granger stepped around him and peered through the glass wall, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Right," she murmured, "I do see the problem here."

"I sure hope you can see it," Draco grumbled, folding his arms across his chest, "otherwise I'd have your brain checked."

Granger snorted. "Rude." Her eyes narrowed as she turned to face him, her lips twitching with amusement. "And you didn't… think about this _before_ you spent what I can only imagine was an exorbitant amount of galleons on this flat?"

"My realtor said everything lined up exactly to the desired specifications," he said, irritated.

"And who was your realtor?" She quirked a brow as she peered closer at the railing.

Draco scowled, pressing his lips into a line. "Blaise."

Granger gave an indulgent little smile, shaking her head. "I understand now. I thought you said Blaise was over the time you vanished all the food from his flat?"

"He was!" Draco exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. " _Is_. He _said_ he was…"

Her returning smile was a little too patronizing and he snarled, falling back into a pout.

"Well look," she said, brandishing a consolatory hand. "I'm certainly no expert on owls, and I really don't think this merits an _actual_ emergency, but since I've already taken the rest of the day off I'll help you. I'm sure there are ways to deter them."

Draco released a harsh breath, offering her a grin. "Thanks, Granger. I'll owe you one."

"I'm certain you already owe me three," she quipped with a smile, "but what are friends for, right?"

Despite the situation, Draco felt a smile of his own coming on and he jabbed Granger in the ribcage with his fingers, grinning when she released a tiny squeal and darted away. He always found it to be hilarious how ticklish she was.

She held her hands up in defense as her eyes narrowed. "Don't – or I'll leave and I won't help you."

"Fine," Draco sighed, holding his own hands out in submission, palms up. "Oh please, great vanquisher of owls – "

"Shut up." Granger rolled her eyes, folding her arms as she stared out at the patio again. "Now where shall we start?"

* * *

It was well into the evening, the sky darkened but for the lanterns on the deck, when Granger finally nodded and declared their task complete.

Draco's eyes narrowed, skeptical, at the deck.

It had taken them hours to shoo away the birds and remove the deck of the debris and waste littered along every surface, and piled in the corners. And Granger's _deterrents_ were more than a little suspect.

"Are you sure this is going to keep them away?" he asked, raising a brow.

"No," she said with a shrug, "but it's what the article suggested. I told you I'm not an expert at this."

While the deck was no longer covered in owls and their excretions, it wasn't exactly what Draco would call _nice_ either.

They had mounted screens and fishing line on the railings and the deck to deter the owls from perching; horns blared at each corner as a vocal irritant; sparkling discs hung from the overhang, the light from the lanterns flashing off their bright surfaces as they spun in lazy circles.

They had piled all of the deck furniture in one corner, leaving nowhere for the owls to sit, but nowhere for Draco to sit, either.

"This really isn't what I had in mind," Draco said, casting Granger a sidelong glance.

"Admittedly, it isn't exactly _usable_ ," she said with a mild shrug, catching her lower lip between her teeth. "But they may find a new place to nest and forget about your balcony – in a matter of time we may be able to set it all straight."

"And you're sure there isn't some magical way," he ground through his teeth.

Granger gave him a smile, tossing her curls over one shoulder. "I'm sure there is, but I don't know of it offhand. You would have to try the Ministry library. Good luck!"

Draco scowled, even as he sighed and caught her wrist between his fingers. She turned back, her brows high as she stared at him. "Thanks, Granger. For your help today."

Her smile returned and she made no immediate move to draw her wrist back. "You're welcome, Malfoy. Keep me posted, yeah? See you tomorrow at work."

He stared at her for a moment longer, letting her wrist fall. "Right, see you."

* * *

Draco scowled, a heavy wrinkle in his brow as his eyes narrowed. He swiped the phone from his bag and pressed the buttons until he heard the tone connect. The jarring ruffle of feathers lingered in his ears while he waited.

"Malfoy? Is everything alright?" Granger's voice asked. "You know this mobile was meant for actual emergencies, right?"

"They're back," he bit out, seething.

The owls had returned – and in force – only days later. If possible, there seemed to be more than there had been the first time, sweeping in and forcefully negating their deterrents. The owls, despite it being the middle of the day, fixed their bright eyes on him.

They clawed at the torn fishwire and broken screens.

Draco's voice dropped and he continued, "And I feel like it might be an actual emergency."

There was a long sigh. "I'll be right over."

He paced to the glass wall as he waited for Granger to arrive. The owls clawed and scratched at the glass with their talons, staring at him as if they wanted to make pellets of his flesh.

He released a tight exhale and turned away.

Granger had a mocking tilt to her head when Draco opened the door, moments after she'd knocked. "Somehow, I still don't think owls on your porch merit an emergency, Malfoy. But as I told you before, I don't know much about birds, and I think you'd be better off consulting a book of household spells or something –"

"They're _watching_ me," Draco hissed, yanking her into the flat by her arm. He released her, casting a shifty glance to the glass wall. "I think we made it personal."

Granger rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Maybe they just like you, Malfoy." Her lips twitched. "They've come to bask in the pleasure of your company."

Draco's eyes widened and then narrowed. "You think this is funny."

Snickering, she shook her head. "You have to admit, it is a _little_ –"

"It isn't funny," Draco declared, waving to the glass. "Just look at what they're doing!"

Granger peered through the glass, consternation on her brow as dozens of owls gathered around the spot where she stood, a thin pane of glass separating them from her. They gnashed their beaks and scratched at the window and Granger took a quick step back, startled, whirling to face him again.

"They've dive-bombed the horns to shreds, they've ripped up all the screens and smashed the sparkly discs," Draco listed, running a hand through his hair, "Granger, they've rearranged the bloody furniture and taken up a seat!"

"Merlin," she choked out. "We'll have to see if we can find a spell that will keep them away."

Draco shook his head. "I have a different idea. But I need your help."

Before she could say anything more, Draco caught her wrist and pulled her into a side-along Apparition. She stumbled when they landed, caught unaware, and stared around.

"Where are we?"

"This, Granger," Draco said, looking around. "Is Blaise's flat. He is currently in Italy on business."

She ran a cautious hand along the granite counters, looking impressed. "It's very nice, isn't it? Are you considering moving already?"

"No," Draco bit out. "Blaise is the reason I'm in this mess, and we're going to return the favour."

She shook her head, eyeing him warily. "No – I'm not getting involved in whatever this prank war is between the two of you." She peered through the windows, far down into London below. "Although… the owls would certainly like it up here, wouldn't they?"

"They would," Draco clipped with a solemn nod. "I think the owls would love it here."

Her lips curved into a smile. "What did you have in mind?"

"Nesting boxes," Draco said, eyes narrowing as he peered out at Blaise's expansive balcony. "Trees for shade. Bird baths." His lips twitched as he turned to face her. "Maybe a small infestation of rodents."

Granger began, "I can't in good conscience –"

Draco blinked at her, eyes wide, his fingers curling once more around her wrist. "But you _can_ , Granger. For your dear friend Draco – "

She stared at him, tongue in her cheek as she shook her head. Her fingers grazed the back of his wrist as she drifted a step closer. "Fine – but if Blaise _ever_ asks – "

"You weren't here," Draco said, nodding. "The idea and execution were entirely mine."

She snickered, rolling her eyes. "Very well, then. Commence your owl relocation plan."

* * *

Hours later, Blaise's balcony was unrecognizable from the clean and minimalist space it had been. Trees, nests, and other bird-attracting adornments covered every surface of the deck, while branches chased along the side of the building.

Draco clapped his hands together, satisfied. A few owls had already flown in to check out the new habitat.

"Excellent," he said, as an owl moulted a few feathers. "By the time Blaise returns home, it will be too late – the owls will have moved here."

"You hope," Granger added, glancing over. "It does look appealing, doesn't it? But you know Blaise won't just accept this."

"I'll handle Blaise," he said, waving a hand. "Now just to fix up my own balcony and things can finally get back to normal. Are you coming back over?"

Granger gave a sort of shrug. "Sure. But go ahead – I have a stop to make first."

Draco felt a slow grin tug at his lips but before he could respond, she Disapparated. He returned home, relieved to see a significant decrease in the amount of owls remaining. Some of them fired him sharp looks as they took to the air; perhaps they had been informed of a better place to roost nearby.

"Crazy birds," he muttered to himself, beginning to cast a series of _Scourgify_ s and _Evanesco_ s on the surface of the deck.

When Granger arrived, she helped him to remove the ruined deterrents and clean up the last of the mess. She darted into the flat and returned with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"To _properly_ celebrate your new flat," she exclaimed, brandishing the bottle.

Draco grinned and offered a gracious nod, accepting the bottle and popping the cork. "Thank you," he said, pouring two generous glasses on the patio table. They each sank into a chair, sipping the beverage.

"So I'm curious," Granger began; there was a teasing tone to her voice as she set her glass down on the table. "Why did you ask _me_ for help, when you know how little I know about birds?"

"You've always got an answer to everything," Draco said, catching her gaze. "Even if, in this case, it failed spectacularly."

She gave a flippant little shrug, smiling as she took another sip. "Well how was I to know these owls would have some sort of vendetta against you?"

Snickering, he shook his head. "If all goes to plan, only _one_ owl is allowed on my property, and it's my own." He nudged her drink with his own, the glasses making a sharp clink. "And besides… how else was I to get you to come over to my new flat?"

Granger stared at him for a moment before pressing her lips together. "That's a fair consideration, I suppose."

His grin faltered, sensing the unfamiliar atmosphere between them. "If you didn't know anything about birds, why agree to help?"

A demure smile graced her lips; her voice was quiet. "How else was I to spend time with you outside of work?"

The tips of her fingers grazed the back of his hand where it laid on the table. He echoed in a breath, "It's a fair consideration."

His wrist rolled on the table, catching her hand in his; she smiled as she interlocked their fingers. "So now that your flat no longer has an owl problem, I suppose you'll need a new reason to invite me over."

Draco cracked a slow grin, tugging their joined hands closer. "I have a feeling that won't be a problem."

Granger stared at him, a soft flush rising to her cheeks. She leaned forward and grazed his lips with her own in a soft kiss. Leaning back with a hesitant curve to her lips, she returned, "I have that same feeling."

His smile widened.

It was _another_ excellent day in the life of Draco Malfoy.


End file.
